i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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