This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
