my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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