i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
