He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
