Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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