I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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