i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
