i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
