If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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