cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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