Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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