In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
