just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
