john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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