Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
