Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
