I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
