I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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