You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
