Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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