At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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