Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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