She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
