I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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