Jerry, you need to find god
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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