I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
