3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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