How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
