just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
