these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
