I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
