I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
