Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
