New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She announced her abortion via fbk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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