he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
