I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
