I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
