You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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