hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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