remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize