ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
