How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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