I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
