In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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