omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
