We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
