just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she looked like the before picture.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
