I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
