his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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