i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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