just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
