I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
