Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
