physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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