2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
