bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
