We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
