Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
