i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Please don't give away my fajitas
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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