well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
