Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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