If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
