I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
