wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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