I smell stomach acid.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
