Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
