PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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