Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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