So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
