I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
