I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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