Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
