i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
