Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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