No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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