How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
