Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
